Farmers

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meatpie48
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Farmers

Post by meatpie48 » Mon Apr 20, 2009 10:13 am

Last night, my insides fell out of my anus. I am in terrible pain now & sitting down is sooooooooooooooooooooo fucking unconfortable. I feel like Stuart Lubbock after the party at Barrymores!

Has anybody else had piles?

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prollocks
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Re: Farmers

Post by prollocks » Mon Apr 20, 2009 10:17 am

If you go to the Doctor's the first thing he'll do is shove his finger up your bum.

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fmrl
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Re: Farmers

Post by fmrl » Mon Apr 20, 2009 10:37 am

Maybe you've prolapsed?

Do you know anyone well enough to have a close look at your ass?

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AtomSmasher
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Re: Farmers

Post by AtomSmasher » Mon Apr 20, 2009 11:06 am

prollocks wrote:If you go to the Doctor's the first thing he'll do is shove his finger up your bum.
Christ don't tell him that - he'll be round like a shot with a tub of Vaseline in his pocket!!!

And there was me thinking this thread was going to be about 'spinal columns in a bap.....'

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meatpie48
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Re: Farmers

Post by meatpie48 » Mon Apr 20, 2009 11:15 am

don't make me laugh you bastards lol. It hurts too much. I've got an Always Ultra clenched between my bumcheeks with a layer of Anusol soothing them acutely. It's like the dirtiest gateux ever made lol!

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ian saunders
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Re: Farmers

Post by ian saunders » Mon Apr 20, 2009 11:19 am

meatpie48 wrote:Last night, my insides fell out of my anus. I am in terrible pain now & sitting down is sooooooooooooooooooooo fucking unconfortable.
another hard weekend working the streets?

Perhaps you could get your missus to rub some kind of soothing balm on it? (obviously after she's decked herself out in full radiation suit and blast shield)

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Re: Farmers

Post by iain » Mon Apr 20, 2009 11:30 am

Never had the "farmers", but i did sh*t myself in public once on the main shopping road in Kuta, Indonesia. I was suffering from mild dysentry at the time and had not left my hotel room in days. I got really fed up and decided i would go out for just half an hour as i felt "better"... bad mistake, 10mins into my excursion, i had about a 3 second warning and before i could react.. that's right, it was all down my legs. I had to hobble back to the hotel.. It was simply hiddeous.. one of the worst thing's that has ever happened to me.. my mate on my return to the hotel in said state could also could not stand properly, mainly through laughter though.. bad day..

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Re: Farmers

Post by Double Drop » Mon Apr 20, 2009 11:32 am

meatpie48 wrote:Last night, my insides fell out of my anus. I am in terrible pain now & sitting down is sooooooooooooooooooooo fucking unconfortable. I feel like Stuart Lubbock after the party at Barrymores!

Has anybody else had piles?
Either poke them back in with a stick or cauterize them off with a soldering iron.

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JACK-0
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Re: Farmers

Post by JACK-0 » Mon Apr 20, 2009 11:51 am

meatpie48 wrote:Last night, my insides fell out of my anus. I am in terrible pain now & sitting down is sooooooooooooooooooooo fucking unconfortable. I feel like Stuart Lubbock after the party at Barrymores!

Has anybody else had piles?
That sounds fuckin hideous, touch wood I never have the experience. But I have to say.....it couldn't have happened to a nicer bloke :lol:

waaaaaaaaaa bodyfoooorm bodyform for yoooooou!!!

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Re: Farmers

Post by meatpie48 » Mon Apr 20, 2009 12:45 pm

thanks for all your help & support you bastards lol!

Iain, the Kuta story has happened at least once to most people I know. Strangely I was in Jakarta the last time it happened to me lol.

DD, there is no way I am putting a soldering iron near my anus. I can barely look at a new haircut using 2 mirrors, a burning hot object & sensitive skin with my co-ordination is not a welcomed idea!!!

I hobbled to the supermarket near work for lunch today & it just so happened it was coinciding with every fit bird in the area making an appearance. Great, sunshine, horny birds & a walk like an arthritic old woman due to my prolapsed anus lol!

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lien
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Re: Farmers

Post by lien » Mon Apr 20, 2009 5:03 pm


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Sir Captinweestain
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Re: Farmers

Post by Sir Captinweestain » Mon Apr 20, 2009 10:56 pm

Chemist = anal wart cream, good luck asking

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Re: Farmers

Post by meatpie48 » Wed Apr 22, 2009 7:34 am

sorted. Doctor with hands like shovels poked em back in.

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Re: Farmers

Post by Gorp » Wed Apr 22, 2009 4:12 pm

Salt water's supposed to be good for them mate.

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Re: Farmers

Post by meatpie48 » Wed Apr 22, 2009 4:39 pm

i was like Ace Ventura in the shower after the Doctors Surgery yesterday lol! Weeping I was!

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