Twenty reasons never to fly Ryanair

Off topic, keep it clean and legal!
User avatar
jonny
Nicolas Parsons
Nicolas Parsons
Posts: 11343
Joined: Mon Apr 08, 2002 9:05 pm
Location: Leeds/Dublin
Contact:

Twenty reasons never to fly Ryanair

Post by jonny » Fri Mar 20, 2009 8:38 pm

Twenty reasons never to fly Ryanair



You have to admire the audacity of everyone’s favourite love-to-hate chief executive Michael O’Leary.

His latest stunt, to cause outrage by suggesting that Ryanair might start charging holidaymakers “a pound to spend a penny” onboard, made it on to the cover of The Daily Express. In the process, one imagines, reminding several hundred thousand hard up Britons to take advantage of the airline’s spring seat sale.

This week The Sun reports: “A saucy stewardess is putting the thrills in no-frills airline Ryanair.”

The “34B Czech stunner” , it alleges, has been given her bosses’ blessing to moonlight as a porn star.

Depressingly, all publicity is good publicity when you are the world’s leading budget airline and Ryanair doesn’t give a damn whether you like it or not. O’Leary knows that when it comes to the crunch, especially this credit one, you will still turn to him for a cheap weekend jolly.

But while the airline can be cheap, the customer service truly sucks. So, here are 20 things to remember next time you are led into temptation by those 1p flights.

1. 1p flights are never 1p

Even if you strike it lucky and find a 1p flight you actually want to take, Ryanair charge you for the pleasure of paying for it. To the tune of £4.75. For each passenger. Each way.

And that doesn’t even include…

2. The check-in charge

If you want to book a bag into the aircraft hold you must check in at the airport, which will cost you £4.75 per passenger, per way, if you book online and a whopping £10 per passenger, per way if you pay at the airport or over the phone. And it doesn’t matter if only one person in your party takes a bag, everyone else still has to pay to check in at the airport too.

This week Ryanair announced that it’s all change from May when airport check in will rocket to £20 per person, per way. That is a grand total of £160 for a return flight as a family of four.

All without factoring in…

3. The baggage charge

Which is an extortionate £9.50 per bag, per flight. Or £19 if you book at the airport or over the phone.

4. The sneaky weight limit

Ryanair set its weight limit for hold luggage at 15kg catching the majority of passengers off guard.

You’re not allowed to pool bags either so, even if you have a party of four sharing luggage, if the bag weighs 16kg you will be charged £14 per additional kilo. Nevermind that it makes not a jot of difference to the weight of the aeroplane.

5. Queues glorious queues

If you’re still talking to your partner following the inevitable blazing row about why you shouldn’t just pay the bloody charges listed above, you won’t be after being told to join the back of the enormous queue at the ‘payments’ desk.

6. The additional baggage charge

Probably best to wear all of your clothes at once on the flight if you are travelling somewhere for more than a couple of days (until Ryanair start charging passengers for excess body weight that is). Check more than one bag in and it will cost you another £19 per extra piece of luggage, per way.

7. The website is rubbish. On purpose.

You have no choice but to book a Ryanair flight through its website so the airline may as well make it as stressful an experience as possible. The website is ugly for starters, and it crashes. All the time.

Because you can’t easily browse for dates when cheap flights are available you have to dedicate at least five precious hours of your life to sitting in front of the screen and laboriously trying different combinations to find a good deal.

And if you don’t understand what the hell you’ve just pressed there is no one to e-mail. Because Ryanair want you to spend more money and phone its…

8. Premium rate internet helpline

Calls cost £1 a minute to speak to someone in a call centre. Be amazed if you can explain what your problem is for under a fiver.

9. You can only fly cheap mid week

To get the bargains that make the pain of Ryanair worth the gain you have to be prepared to fly on a Tuesday, Wednesday or Thursday, which can rule out the bargain European weekend break. Kind of why you wanted to book with Ryanair in the first place.

10. You have to travel at obscene hours.

Not only are you travelling on a Tuesday you also have to be prepared to wake up at 2am to get to the airport two hours ahead of your 6.55am flight. Or, if you choose a more civilised evening departure time, arrive in your destination at midnight with no where to stay because…

11. The destination airports are in the middle of nowhere.

Don’t expect to fly to Frankfurt if you book a flight to Frankfurt, to name one of many examples. Frankfurt Hahn airport where Ryanair land is 120 km from the city centre.

12. A bottle of water on board costs £3

I know the moral of this story is to buy a drink from WH Smith before you board, but it’s still annoying.

13. Sweaty, plasticky seats

Whatever you do, don’t wear shorts or you might be stuck to your seat forever and forced to listen to…

14. The in-flight musak

Pray that your flight is not delayed before it takes off or you’ll have to put up with the bleepy, computer-game inspired musak that is played on loop as your board, over, and over.

15. The fanfare

Do we really need the shrill fanfare that sounds when/if the flight lands on time? Or does it just ruin the first three minutes of each passenger's holiday?

16. You can’t book a seat

As if the British holiday ritual of crowding round the baggage carousel isn’t enough to warrant the use of blood-thinning medication, Ryanair invite you to partake in the extreme sport that is racing across the tarmac to get a seat next to your companion. Flip flops are a distinct disadvantage.

17. No refunds, ever

Unless you have a spare few days to waste do not even bother trying.

18. Poor compensation

A report by the UK’s Air Transport Users Council has found that the world’s airlines lost more than one million bags in 2007 and more than 42 million pieces of luggage were mishandled worldwide.

Guess who it named as the worst airline for compensation if your bag goes missing or is damaged?

19. You are always being flogged stuff

No we don't want your ridiculously overpriced travel insurance, car hire or Ryanair tea-towels. Go away.

20. Michael O’Leary himself

Don't tell me you can bear to make him any more smug?

By Laura Whateley

User avatar
samuel
Old Skool Don Daddy
Old Skool Don Daddy
Posts: 3935
Joined: Thu Jul 14, 2005 9:10 am
Location: 384,467km from the earth
Contact:

Re: Twenty reasons never to fly Ryanair

Post by samuel » Fri Mar 20, 2009 8:50 pm

You Jonny seem to be the anti-Ryanair spokesman here :lol:

No offence, I've only used them twice myself but with the expectations I had, it's not a problem. A bit like a local bus trip, you don't expect to have anything extra do you?

For the price of their cheapest flights, even all that extra it's still pretty fucking cheaper than anything else. At least in here we don't have competition. If you want to move from place A to place B and don't want to pay too much, it's gold. Also, many of my friends have used them a lot more and been alright with it.

At the end of day it's up to the customer to choose. There are a lot of options but most of them are 50-100% more expensive in minimum.

User avatar
jonny
Nicolas Parsons
Nicolas Parsons
Posts: 11343
Joined: Mon Apr 08, 2002 9:05 pm
Location: Leeds/Dublin
Contact:

Re: Twenty reasons never to fly Ryanair

Post by jonny » Fri Mar 20, 2009 9:34 pm

samuel wrote:You Jonny seem to be the anti-Ryanair spokesman here :lol:

No offence, I've only used them twice myself but with the expectations I had, it's not a problem. A bit like a local bus trip, you don't expect to have anything extra do you?

For the price of their cheapest flights, even all that extra it's still pretty fucking cheaper than anything else. At least in here we don't have competition. If you want to move from place A to place B and don't want to pay too much, it's gold. Also, many of my friends have used them a lot more and been alright with it.

At the end of day it's up to the customer to choose. There are a lot of options but most of them are 50-100% more expensive in minimum.

But that's the thing, Ryanair are certainly not the cheapest all the time as they claim, many times ive been booking flights and they've been dearer than the rest sometimes more than 50% dearer that is true,I remember looking at flights to Rome and they were €175 with Ryanair and the airport is hours outside the city, and with Aer Lingus the flights €47 cheaper and the airport is a short train ride away!

The only way you'll get cheap flights realistically is if you travel very early morning midweek or book months in advance, and then Ryanair fly to obscure airports hours away from the actually city like Frankfurt Hahn and Lyon Gronoble,fuck me over 2 hours on a coach away from Lyon city itself, and it was €25 single ont he coach,by the time i added that money onto the cost it would've been cheaper to fly with Aer Lingus which is what i should've done initially.

And don't even start me on that cunt O Leary and the shocking customer service this airline has.

User avatar
Matt Clarke
Administrator
Administrator
Posts: 3670
Joined: Sat Oct 27, 2001 12:00 am
Location: Essex
Contact:

Re: Twenty reasons never to fly Ryanair

Post by Matt Clarke » Fri Mar 20, 2009 9:58 pm

I think the £1 for a pee thing from a couple of weeks ago was a publicity stunt. People tend to know what they are getting for their money. Personally, I'd pick Easyjet over Ryan Air purely for the fact that the irish chap is rather smug and annoying.

Fizza
Oldskool Raver
Oldskool Raver
Posts: 822
Joined: Tue May 02, 2006 2:37 am

Re: Twenty reasons never to fly Ryanair

Post by Fizza » Fri Mar 20, 2009 10:04 pm

I kinda ended up skip reading them, but a lot of those gripes can be leveled at all the airlines at the moment, the lower baggage weight, higher baggage prices etc.. and it ain't no shocker that flights are cheaper during the week either, check any airline and they will be because of the obvious fact that people work during the week and most vacation/holiday is from Saturday to a Sunday and then back to work, so Saturday/Sunday are always the busiest times, most airports charge a weekend fee on top of that too.

I don't know, it all comes down to looking like a bit of a vendetta, which is ok I guess if you have had bad experiences, but we flew Virgin once and they shoveled you in like cattle, most of the entertainment systems on the plane were broken, the customer service was pretty bad and they gave me a bunch of grief at the check in because of my carry on bag, which I'd used many times before on other trips.. I was pretty pissed off at them, but hey, I generally won't fly them in future, job done. No need to go off on a one man mission lol.

Also, I've never seen the guy, but even if he is a bit of smug chap, he's the only one with the huevos to call up the government on all their terrorist bullshit that you have to go through when flying:

http://news.bbc.co.uk/2/hi/business/4801333.stm

Sounds like an alright geeza to me actually.

User avatar
cantonamagic
Oldskool Raver
Oldskool Raver
Posts: 845
Joined: Mon Jul 21, 2003 8:54 am
Location: Bournemouth

Re: Twenty reasons never to fly Ryanair

Post by cantonamagic » Fri Mar 20, 2009 10:55 pm


User avatar
dj shine
Old Skool Master
Old Skool Master
Posts: 1591
Joined: Thu Feb 23, 2006 5:13 pm
Location: all over n.s.w australia

Re: Twenty reasons never to fly Ryanair

Post by dj shine » Sat Mar 21, 2009 7:54 am

they want to start flying to america soon for as little as a score , fuck me .. that would be amazing so fair play to them , unless ofcourse summin goes wrong and u spend 20 hours trying to get through to their non existant customer services

User avatar
renegadegenius
Nicolas Parsons
Nicolas Parsons
Posts: 20208
Joined: Wed Jun 26, 2002 5:53 am
Location: Bat Beat Vol 2 - It's Still Here!!!! (as are a few copies of Vol 1)

Re: Twenty reasons never to fly Ryanair

Post by renegadegenius » Sat Mar 21, 2009 10:08 am

Do u really think u can fly for 1p?!

How do u expect them to pay for staff, fuel, building maintanence etc etc. 1p isn't gonna cover it is it :lol:
So of course they'll be extras to pay.

If u don't like the way they've done the costs (rather than just do cost's properly) use someone else. Simple ;)

User avatar
mrschop
Old Skool Master
Old Skool Master
Posts: 1848
Joined: Mon Jul 05, 2004 11:12 am
Location: Eastbourne

Re: Twenty reasons never to fly Ryanair

Post by mrschop » Sat Mar 21, 2009 11:08 am

They forgot 21: They don't land the plane, they drop you out of the sky and hope for the best.

Oh and 22. There flights are always delayed.

I'll never fly with Ryanair again, if I ever want to visit the family, i'll be flying with Aer lingus.

jon99
Old Skool Master
Old Skool Master
Posts: 1748
Joined: Sat Jun 03, 2006 9:48 pm
Location: England

Re: Twenty reasons never to fly Ryanair

Post by jon99 » Mon Mar 23, 2009 12:21 am

cantonamagic wrote:As per, the best take... http://www.thedailymash.co.uk/news/busi ... 902271609/
I so love that site, from their take on Google Street view....
A Google spokesman said: "For the umpteenth time, no-one will be able to see you having a shit.

"Of course that does not include anyone who happened to be shitting in the street at the exact moment our camera van passed by. Even so, our face-blurring technology will protect the privacy of any Glaswegians involved.

User avatar
iain
Old Skool Master
Old Skool Master
Posts: 2123
Joined: Tue Jan 20, 2004 1:30 pm
Location: Offshore/Onshore

Re: Twenty reasons never to fly Ryanair

Post by iain » Wed Mar 25, 2009 8:31 pm

Me and a few mates flew to Biarittiz with them for a surf trip, quid each way, 30quid for the boards... didn't experience any bother at all. If anything it was a dream come true, we used to drive years ago, and at 14hrs each way it was a god send!! I am sure though when things go bad, they are a nightmare to deal with as all budget airlines are, but i suppose they provide a service and at that price you can't complain too much

DjAdvance
Oldskool Raver
Oldskool Raver
Posts: 468
Joined: Wed Feb 05, 2003 10:54 am
Location: Manchester
Contact:

Re: Twenty reasons never to fly Ryanair

Post by DjAdvance » Fri Mar 27, 2009 1:16 am

23. They charge £4.50 per person per flight for paying by card

Just booked 2 seats return flight to Italy and the card processing charge was £20!!

Said it was £19 (4 x £4.75) then just seemed to round up to £20 at the checkout - the thieving cunts!

you cannot pay by any other way than card but bizarrely theres no charge for Electron only.

Flights were £70 - final total with taxes, baggage fee, check in fee, card fee - £220

Unfortunately they are the only ones who fly to the airport i need to go to.

First time with Ryanair, will be the last as well and i've not even had the pleasure of actually flying yet so by the sounds of the above thats not going to make me change my mind!

User avatar
krakp0t
Old Skool Master
Old Skool Master
Posts: 1928
Joined: Tue Aug 12, 2003 12:23 am
Location: taking the biscuit
Contact:

Re: Twenty reasons never to fly Ryanair

Post by krakp0t » Tue May 11, 2010 12:47 pm

Matt Clarke wrote:I think the £1 for a pee thing from a couple of weeks ago was a publicity stunt. People tend to know what they are getting for their money. Personally, I'd pick Easyjet over Ryan Air purely for the fact that the irish chap is rather smug and annoying.
Looks like it wasn't http://www.dailymail.co.uk/travel/artic ... ed-in.html

User avatar
lentrix
Old Skool Don Daddy
Old Skool Don Daddy
Posts: 3658
Joined: Tue Aug 06, 2002 3:49 pm
Location: london

Re: Twenty reasons never to fly Ryanair

Post by lentrix » Tue May 11, 2010 1:34 pm

Use them for spain - cheap flights.

If you treat them like a bus (don't buy anything) then their ok....

jimee
He never locked his car door
He never locked his car door
Posts: 5830
Joined: Thu Apr 25, 2002 2:22 pm

Re: Twenty reasons never to fly Ryanair

Post by jimee » Tue May 11, 2010 1:56 pm

jonny wrote:The only way you'll get cheap flights realistically is if you travel very early morning midweek or book months in advance, and then Ryanair fly to obscure airports hours away from the actually city like Frankfurt Hahn and Lyon Gronoble,fuck me over 2 hours on a coach away from Lyon city itself, and it was €25 single ont he coach,by the time i added that money onto the cost it would've been cheaper to fly with Aer Lingus which is what i should've done initially.

And don't even start me on that cunt O Leary and the shocking customer service this airline has.
Bollocks Ive just booked flights to Frankfurt Hahn thinking it was Frankfurt! Its bloody 76 miles away - wish I'd done a bit of research now!! Turns out this shitty airport doesnt even have a train station, so its gonna be a hellish bus ride!

Locked