30 of the best sexist jokes....

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Shergy
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30 of the best sexist jokes....

Post by Shergy » Fri Jul 20, 2007 11:01 am

1. Why did God create woman?
To carry semen from the bedroom to the toilet

2. If the dove is the bird of peace, what is the bird
of true love?
The swallow

3. How do you annoy your girlfriend during sex?
Phone her.


4. Why do women fake orgasms?
Because they think men care.

5. What is the definition of "making love"
Something a woman does while a guy is fucking her.

6. What should you do if your girlfriend starts
smoking?
Slow down and use a lubricant.

7. What's the difference between oral sex and anal
sex?
Oral sex makes your day, anal sex makes your whole week

8. How many sexists does it take to change a light
bulb?
None let the bitch cook in the dark.

9. What's the difference between pre-menstrual tension and B.S.E
One's mad cow disease, the other's an agricultural
problem.

10. Why does the bride always wear white?
Because it's good for the dishwasher to match the
stove and refrigerator

11. What do you say to a woman with 2 black eyes?
Nothing, she's been told twice already.

12. How many men does it take to open a beer?
None. It should be opened by the time she brings it
in.

13. If your wife keeps coming out of the kitchen to
nag at you, what have you done wrong?
You made her chain too long.

14. How do you turn a fox into an elephant?
Marry it!

15. What is the difference between a battery and a
woman?
A battery has a positive side.

16. What are the three fastest means of communication?
(a) Internet
(b) Telephone
(c) Telawoman

17. Why do hunters make the best lovers?
Because they go deep in the bush, shoot more than once and they eat what they shoot.

18. How are fat girls and mopeds alike?
They're both fun to ride until your friends find out.

19. How is a woman like a condom?
Both of them spend more time in your wallet than on
your dick.

20. What should you give a woman who has everything?
A man to show her how to work it.

21. How are twisters (tornadoes) and marriage alike?
They both begin with a lot of blowing and sucking, and in the end you lose your house.

22. Why does a bride smile when she walks up the
aisle?
She knows she's given her last blowjob.

23. What's the difference between a bitch and a whore?
A whore sleeps with everyone at the party and a bitch
sleeps with everyone at the party except you.

24. What's the difference between your wife and your
job?
After 10 years the job still sucks.

25. What's the difference between love, true love, and showing off?
Spitting, swallowing, and gargling.

26. Why is the space between women's breasts and her hips called a waist?
Because you could easily fit another pair of tits in
there.

27. Do you know why they call it the Wonder Bra?
When you take it off you wonder where her tits went.

28. How do you make 5 pounds of fat look good?
Put a nipple on it.

29. Why did the woman cross the road?
What's the bitch doing out of the kitchen in the first place?

30. Why are there no female astronauts on the moon?
Cause it doesn't need cleaning yet

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Re: 30 of the best sexist jokes....

Post by LOON-E » Fri Jul 20, 2007 11:11 am

Hehehe...quality =D> =D> :lol: :lol:

LOON-E

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Re: 30 of the best sexist jokes....

Post by disORIENTATION » Fri Jul 20, 2007 11:17 am

Shergy wrote: 30. Why are there no female astronauts on the moon?
Cause it doesn't need cleaning yet
Best of the lot :)

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Re: 30 of the best sexist jokes....

Post by CMcDougall » Fri Jul 20, 2007 11:18 am

lol, some more!

Q. What is the difference between a drug dealer and a hooker?
A. A hooker can wash her crack and sell it again.

Q. What's a mixed feeling?
A. When you see your mother-in-law backing off a cliff in your new car.

Q. What's the height of conceit?
A. Having an orgasm and calling out your own name.

Q. What's the definition of macho?
A. Jogging home from your vasectomy.

Q. What's the difference between a G-Spot and a golf ball?
A. A guy will actually search for a golf ball

Q. Do you know how New Zealanders practice safe sex?
A. They spray paint X's on the back of the sheep that kick.

Q. Why is divorce so expensive?
A. Because it's worth it.

Q. What do Tupperware and a walrus have in common?
A. They both like a tight seal.

Q. What do a Christmas tree and priest have in common?
A. Their balls are just for decoration.

Q. What is the difference between "ooooooh"and "aaaaaaah"?
A. About three inches.

Q. Why do Gay men wear ribbed condoms?
A. For traction in the mud.

Q. What's the difference between purple and pink?
A. The grip.

Q. How do you find a blind man in a nudist colony?
A. It's not hard.

Q. How do you circumcise a hillbilly?
A. Kick his sister in the jaw.

Q. What's the difference between a girlfriend and a wife?
A. 45 pounds.

Q. What's the difference between a boyfriend and a husband?
A. 45 minutes.

Q. Why do men find it difficult to make eye contact?
A: Breasts don't have eyes.

Q. If the dove is the bird of peace, what is the bird of true love?
A. The swallow.

Q. What is the difference between medium and rare?
A. Six inches is medium, eight inches is rare.

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Re: 30 of the best sexist jokes....

Post by samuel » Fri Jul 20, 2007 12:00 pm

disORIENTATION wrote:
Shergy wrote: 30. Why are there no female astronauts on the moon?
Cause it doesn't need cleaning yet
Best of the lot :)
Ain't it so? :lol:

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Re: 30 of the best sexist jokes....

Post by jonny » Fri Jul 20, 2007 1:41 pm

:lol: :lol: =D> =D>

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Re: 30 of the best sexist jokes....

Post by mattyc » Fri Jul 20, 2007 2:02 pm

:lol: :lol:

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Re: 30 of the best sexist jokes....

Post by alex » Fri Jul 20, 2007 3:05 pm

Why did the feminist cross the road ?




To suck my cock ! :badgrin:

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Re: 30 of the best sexist jokes....

Post by livvy » Fri Jul 20, 2007 4:53 pm

:roll: :roll: :roll: :roll: :roll: :roll: :shock: :badgrin:

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Re: 30 of the best sexist jokes....

Post by groovesection » Fri Jul 20, 2007 5:07 pm

:) :) :)

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Re: 30 of the best sexist jokes....

Post by Devious Dame » Fri Jul 20, 2007 5:19 pm

not sexist but made me laugh...


> > A man in a hot air balloon realised he was lost. He reduced altitude

> > and spotted a woman below. He descended a bit more and shouted,
> > "Excuse me, can you help me? I promised a friend I would meet him an

> > hour ago, but I don't know where I am."
> >
> > The woman below replied, "You're in a hot air balloon hovering
> > approximately 30 feet above the ground. You're between 40 and 41
> > degrees north latitude and between 59 and 60 degrees west
longitude."
> >
> > "You must be in IT," said the balloonist.
> >
> > "I am," replied the woman, "How did you know?"
> >
> > "Well," answered the balloonist, "everything you told me is
> > technically correct, but I've no idea what to make of your
> > information and the fact is I'm still lost. Frankly, you've not been

> > much help at all. If anything, you've delayed my trip."
> >
> > The woman below responded, "You must be in Management."
> >
> > "I am," replied the balloonist, "but how did you know?"
> >
> > "Well," said the woman, "you don't know where you are or where
> > you're going.
> > You have risen to where you are due to a large quantity of hot air.
> >
> > You made a promise, which you've no idea how to keep, and you expect

> > people beneath you to solve your problems. The fact is you are in
> > exactly the same position you were in before we met, but now,
> > somehow, it's my f**king fault."

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